


Blue Blossoms

by LeopardGal



Category: Xenoblade Chronicles X
Genre: Canon charcter death, Drama, Drug Use, F/M, It's a Lao fic-you already know who dies, Oneshot, Rated for drug use, Romance, Vaguely implied Lao/Doug but it's not the main focus, endgame spoilers, gore mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-06
Updated: 2017-02-06
Packaged: 2018-09-22 10:26:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9603941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeopardGal/pseuds/LeopardGal
Summary: Lao always knew Charmaine was keeping secrets.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Repost from FFN- This was my second fic for the XCX fandom last year, and honestly the one I'm most proud of so far. I haven't had a second person go through and help me pick out typos, so I'm still finding those little suckers even after all this time. Apologies for that- at least I don't think I spelled Chenshi's name three different ways anymore! I have a horrible habit of getting her name mixed up with Cherche's from Fire Emblem & making horrible hybrid typos like Chenche and Chenchi. This was also the fic where I realized how much I hate writing in present tense and swore never to do it again. I have since broken said promise. I'm suffering.  
> Original notes:  
> Do you ever get an idea for an AU at a ridiculous time of night when you're dead tired? And at first you think "That's terrible" but then you realize it might just be weird enough to work? Yeah, that's what happened to me- this fits surprisingly well into canon, for such a… bizarre concept. And yes, Lao isn't very "In Character" at the very beginning- he's ten years younger than in-game at that point, but he's in full "Sad Dad" mode by the end. So, without further ado:

The first time they meet, he has buzzed hair that's grown out just a bit past protocol and he's just beginning to get some black stubble, and his grey eyes are glazed and unfocused. He stumbles over to her drunkenly, and slurs "Your eyes are really, really pretty. Blue's my favorite color." His smile is boyish but not charming.

She raises her eyes from her (quite frankly, terrible) romance novel and takes him in. "Aren't you a bit young to be flirting with me?"

"I was old enough to fight for my country! Lost my leg too," and he taps on his left leg for emphasis, letting out a hollow sound.

"How long have you been old enough to drink at this bar?"

"Three days." He's 21, then.

"May I ask how many times you've drank here, since your birthday?"

He takes a minute, counts them out on his fingers. "Three. This is my first time without Doug though, he always makes me stop before I'm done."

"Does this "Doug" usually drive you home as well?"

"Yep! Sayyyyyy, what's your name? You have pretty blue eyes. I like blue."

"Charmaine," she answers. It's not her real name, but the name of the girl who was having sex with a werewolf in her book, and it seemed like a name that would be hard for an annoying drunk boy to say. She wasn't disappointed.

"Cher-Chunmun… Chaaarrrrmoon, want to go have dinner with me?"

"I'm waiting for someone, actually." She hopes he's not too drunk to take the hint. He is.

"I know most of the regulars, maybe I can help?"

"Commander Parks."

"Ohhhh, yeah! He's a good friend. I know him."

She raises an eyebrow- was this drunk bluster, or could he be useful? "Care to tell me more?"

"Mmm, he comes in every Thursday, 5-o-clock. Vodka on the rocks, two shots. Then he leaves."

"Are you a bartender here?"

"Every Thursday!"

"Are you drinking on the job?" His face turns to sheer horror, he spins around so quickly he trips over his own feet and falls.

"George! Am I working!?"

The bartender laughs. "You work tomorrow, kid. You have fun tonight, you won't be tomorrow."

"Shit," she curses quietly. She'd mixed up the days and wasted precious time.

The boy groans from the floor. "Doug, take me home now…"

George stops her on her way out. "Would you mind calling a cab for the kid? I'm afraid he'll pass out in the street."

She doesn't see the harm. She roughly grabs him by the shoulder and shuffles him outside to quiet gasps (She's much, much stronger than she looks.) She hails a cab and shoves him inside, and begins to walk away. Ten feet down, the cab pulls up next to her and rolls down the window. "Lady, he's gone to sleep. I need an address." She takes a breath and climbs in the cab, shoving the kid over. The whole day was wasted, may as well waste the night too.

She carries the boy up the stairs bridal style- he's not half as heavy as he looks, probably thanks to the leg, but he's just about as tall as her and limp as a dishrag. She sets him on her bed, provides him with a bucket, (considers taking off his leg, but she's not quite sure how to operate it, so she leaves it on,) and relaxes on the couch for the rest of the evening, reading her crappy (but titillatingly detailed) novel.

At nine in the morning she hears groaning, followed by heaving. "Uhh...Hello?"

She enters, accesses the situation, and returns with a damp washcloth and Tylenol. His face is a mess. He's squinting so hard that he jumps when she touches him. "Let me wipe your mouth before you stain my pillowcases," she orders.

"Yes Ma'am. Where am I?"

"My apartment six blocks from the bar we met in. No, we did not have sex," she answers before he can ask. "You passed out and I have no idea where you live, so I brought you here. I expect you to leave as soon as you are able, but I will fix you a small breakfast if you can keep it down."

By the time breakfast is ready, he's feeling a bit better. He has toast without butter.

"Your name… I think I forgot it, but I remember it was really pretty."

"I said it was Charmaine."

"Yeah! That's a really cool name. Mine's just Lao."

"Lao, I have an appointment across town in an hour. Do you need me to call a cab for you?

"Nope, I'm feeling a lot better. Um, I'm really sorry about this… Is there any way I can make it up to you?"

She's about to say something along the lines of "Don't pass out in my cab again," but he interrupts her.

"How about I buy you dinner? At somewhere really nice, I mean."

"That's not-"

"Please! It's the least I can do."

His boyish smile is a bit charming this time, and she nods her head.

He's 22 when she realizes he has a problem. He's let his hair grow out, styling it into a 20-teens anime styled mess. His face is clean shaven, and he still has a tiny bit of baby fat on his cheeks.

When he'd taken her out to dinner, he'd returned to an apartment with a "Do Not Disturb" sign left on the door. He'd sheepishly asked if he could sleep in Charmaine's apartment again (He'd take the couch this time) and she, against her better judgement, agreed.

Lao had taken that as a permanent invitation, and often "crashed" at her place. She didn't mind, since it was hardly her only apartment and she rarely slept in the same place for more than a day or two at most. But he usually sent her a message first.

This time he didn't. She'd walked into a dark room, begun to remove her clothes, and tripped over a metallic...thing in the center of the room.

She curses loudly, gropes for the light- finds it and sees him sprawled out over her bed, prosthetic leg stretched out off the side of the bed.

"Lao!" She chastises.

He doesn't respond. She's worried then, checks his pulse.

It's fast, unsteady, his skin slick and feverish. She taps his cheek, calls his name. He groans. When he rolls over a bit, she hears rattling. He has a pill bottle in his hand- pain killers, and strong ones. His name is on the label, but the refill date is three days ago and the bottle is nearly empty. She curses, begins to dial an ambulance. He grabs her hand, shakily.

"'M fine. Okay." He smiles, but it has none of his usual energy. "Just took a couple. Makes me dizzy."

"How many is "A couple?"

"Three...Four?"

She checks the label- he was prescribed half a pill every 24 hours. She picks up her phone-

"No! Don't call. I can't afford it, I'll go with you."

"I don't have a car. I'll pay for it, just lay there and let me take care of this." And with that, she calls the hospital. They say they're on their way, and she asks "Why did you take so many?"

"It really hurt."

"Your leg?"

He nodded.

"Do you need more physical therapy? Or a new prosthetic?"

"No. That's not what hurts. It's my foot- I feel it burning sometimes, and it gets hotter and hotter until I can't take it anymore. But it's stupid because it's not even there."

He chuckles darkly. "What kind of monster puts acid in a roadside bomb, huh? Fire's not good enough, nails don't dig deep enough- just have to melt it down to the bone. Make sure there's nothing to save."

He has tears in his eyes and she doesn't know what to say. "They said I was lucky. Just lost the foot- could have scarred my face or lost my eye like Johnson. Or a hand, that would've been really terrible, they said."

"I think losing a foot is pretty terrible too," she says because it's the only thing she can think of.

He looks at her, his grey eyes watery and unfocused. "Thanks." He feels just a bit better, and she feels like she's beginning to understand this strange child, if only a little.

The ambulance arrives then, and she watches him leave.

He's 23 when he tells her he loves her for the first time. His hair is straight now, barely reaches below his ears. He has a impressive goatee and an unimpressive mustache, and he's lost all his baby fat now, his face is long and narrow and adult. She's met Doug by now- they take turns driving him to NA appointments, and they're both waiting for him when he leaves rehab. He insists on taking them out to celebrate, and Doug gets a call from "somebody important" ten minutes in, and Charmaine is ready to get angry before she realizes it's a setup. He takes her on a walk around the restaurant's fountain, and under the branches of a tree with blue blossoms the same color as her eyes, he whispers "I love you, Charmaine," and kisses her for the first time. She's never kissed somebody with stubble before- it makes her reel back. He looks like a hurt child.

"I can't be a good girlfriend to you," she warns him.

"You're the one I want. You're perfect."

"Are you sure?"

"More than anything."

She kisses him this time- and when he slips his tongue between her lips, tastes her mouth, she stops thinking of him as a child. He is a man.

He is her man.

He's 24 when they marry. His hair reaches his jawline and he has a full beard now- but he never lets it get too long. They'd lived together, when she was in town, and they'd slept together. They said "I love you" to each other without a thought.

And yet, when he proposed, she'd said "No."

"Why?"

"I can't be a good wife."

"You said that when we started dating too, and that was a complete lie."

"I agreed to this because men can have hundreds of "girlfriends" in their lives. But you're only supposed to have one "wife," and I won't let you tie yourself down to someone like me who can never fulfill you the way another woman can."

"I don't even know what you're talking about."

"I...can never give you children, Lao. It's impossible for me."

He laughs. "That's stupid! We can always adopt or something. Thinking like that is really dated, Charmaine."

"That's not the only thing…"

"I don't care if there's a thousand stupid reasons why we shouldn't- I want to marry you!"

Her heart is racing, and she knows it's a mistake, but she says ; "Yes."

The wedding is simple- Lao's father, older brother, coworkers and Doug. She didn't have anyone she cared to bring. He's this whole side of her life- the people important on the other side need to stay there.

He's 25 when Chenshi is born. His hair reaches his shoulders and he's clean shaven again, but his face is still always rough. They've decided to go with a surrogate- It's expensive, but Charmaine can afford it. Lao was perfectly willing to adopt a baby, but it was important to Charmaine that he's related to their child, since she can't be. The first time he holds his newborn daughter, he cries. Charmaine had always understood crying as a sign of weakness, but this precious moment makes her realize how powerful it can be. When she holds their daughter, she cries too. Maybe she'd never be a good wife, but she will be a good mother.

He's 26 when he begins to ask questions she can't answer. He ties his hair back now, since his hair goes part way down his back- Chenshi grabbed it and said "Pretty!" on one occasion and he aimed to please. He shaves whenever he remembers- which is maybe once a week. Neither of them have slept well in a year. He stays at home with the baby while Charmaine wanders off to God knows where for days at a time, same as always. But when Chenshi starts running a fever and Lao takes her to emergency, when they say it's a simple bug but her fever won't break for three sleepless days, when he takes her home on the fourth and he's still shaking, trying not to jostle her, and finds Charmaine asleep in bed, he's had enough.

"Where were you? She could have died!"

"I can't tell you."

"I won't accept that! It's our daughter we're talking about!"

"I'm so sorry- if I'd' known, I would have been there with you, I promise!"

"Then- if you won't tell me where you go, will you give me a way to contact you? In case something like this happens again?" His eyes were begging.

"That's… impossible."

He's ready to shout a response, but she falls to her knees, tears welling in her eyes.

"I warned you- I would have to keep secrets from you. That was part of the deal. I'll probably never tell you everything- and if I do, it will be years from now. But not being able to be there for her… it's killing me."

Her takes her into his arms and leads her into the nursery. They sit wrapped around each other in an armchair built for one- she massages his leg and he braids her hair- and for a few precious moments, they are a family.

He's 27 when Chenshi gets sick. He hasn't cut his hair in two years and it's longer than Charmaine's now, reaching down to his waist. His MO of "Shave when I remember" has degraded into "Shave when Charmaine complains."

It was only a routine blood draw, that found it. The word is horror and pain, and for weeks after the diagnosis, he only called it "The Sickness", because it was too terrible to say out loud. If he said it, it became real. She said it for him;

"Leukemia."

And he sat and held his daughter for dear life.

"She's only three," he says over and over. "It's not fair, she's only three." She's only just learning how to walk on her own, and she's learning new words every day.

The day she asks him "Why is Papa sad?" He doesn't know how he'll go on. When Charmaine is there, they hold each other- when she's gone, and Chenshi is sleeping, the house is so damn quiet he doesn't know how to cope. Sometimes Doug comes over, and Charmaine knows that the way they act when she's gone is more than brotherly, but she's the one that encouraged it. There were things that Doug could offer Lao that she couldn't- that she could, were she any other woman. It hurts her, but she just wants her husband to be happy again.

He's 28 when everything goes to hell. His hair was giving him migraines by the time Charmaine convinced him to cut it, so it only reaches to his shoulders now, and he's got a goatee again. Chenshi's cancer is in remission, and she makes it to her fourth birthday, and Lao starts to hope that things are going to get better until the night he comes home and finds Charmaine sobbing in their room. For a brief instant he can't breathe, for fear Chenshi's left while he was gone- but she says "No, she's fine. It's them. They're here. They're here. They're here!" And he calms down then but he's wrong, it's so much worse.

The next day, the Earthlife Colonization Project goes public. It's mass hysteria in the streets- the end of the world is coming, the government said so. Xenoform activity has been picked up on ECP's radar's borders. The Earth has months left.

"I'll get you both on that ship," Lao promises.

Charmaine begs him to just spend what time they have with her and Chenshi. Lao doesn't understand why she isn't taking this more seriously. He had to get them on that ship!

And Charmaine sits at home with Chenshi and tries not to scream.

He's 29 when the Earth dies. His hair is just longer than his shoulders. He shaved off the goatee and then started it again, but had three days worth of stubble over it at the end. Lao is making progress- he's had several meetings with ECP officials, and he's going in for a mental health check or some nonsense on Tuesday- he knows he's been ignoring his girls, but this is more important. He comes home at night too tired to talk to Charmaine, and Charmaine sleeps like the dead.

Charmaine sleeps like the dead because Elma was so tired she'd left her deactivated mim in her house.

Thirty years of work, all paying off. She'd bolstered Earth's defenses with Skell technology, advanced biomechanical engineering by approximately 260 years, spearheaded the Ark and Lifehold Core teams, and now that it was weeks away, she could barely keep her eyes open. She just wanted to lay in Lao's arms and sleep, but there would be plenty of time for that on the White Whale.

Falling in love had NOT been on her to-do list of Earth Things, but lo and behold, a scrawny human child had passed out in her cab eight Earth years ago and stolen her heart and here she was. She was so grateful for him- if she hadn't had his secret support these last few years, she would have gone crazy. Being able to slip out of her "Elma" mim after a week of nonstop stress and play house with a human that would die of old age before her home planet's next new year (and more recently, a human so young it was considered a child by her own species,) was her saving grace.

The fact that his little crusade was taking away her cuddling time was… irritating. He had no way of knowing that he and Chenshi had a guaranteed spot on the Whale, of course, and he was just being the loving, driven, perfect human husband he always was… But she was sorely tempted to break her own rules and tell him to just, as Nagi would tell her, "Chill."

Eventually, she decides to tell him after he and Chenche are scanned into the computer.

Lao is scanned in on Tuesday. Chenshi is due to be scanned on Friday.

Chenshi succumbed to her Leukemia on Wednesday.

Elma still had a planet to save. Billions to help. The entire ECP was counting on her. The Xenos would be at Earth within two weeks.

But in her mind, she'd already failed. She logged out of her mim at ECP HQ, slipped into her role as Charmaine, and spent a whole day crying with her husband. She stayed there for exactly 24 hours- all the time she could spare.

Lao was asleep when she left. She'd saved him, at least. He wouldn't remember this. His last memory of Chenshi would be a happy one- not watching her gasp for air at the end.

The skin around his eyes was red and swollen, his pillow wet beneath his head. He was holding a pile of blankets in a death grip- getting out of that without waking him hadn't been easy.

She traced her finger across his temple as her internal alarm blared. Spending this much time with him now meant she wouldn't get much more. She'd tell his mim everything once they were safe- but she could go through some things twice. His original self deserved the answers she'd promised him.

Going back to being Colonel Elma after pulling that "stunt" was hellish. For five days, her mim was deprived of sleep. Mims could do that- but it was not good on the user's mental health. She got a short nap on day six, then ran seven and eight non stop. The Xenos were at the doorstep- this was her last chance to say goodbye.

Lao was in a state of denial. Nine days ago, his daughter died. Eight days ago, his wife left in the middle of the night. She still hadn't come back. He'd buried Chenshi yesterday. Doug was there. Charmaine wasn't.

He was still in formal wear. He might have eaten since the funeral. He didn't remember. He didn't care. The house was so damn quiet.

The phone ringing sounded like a young girl's scream. He fumbled with it- unknown number.

"Hello?"

"Lao? It's me."

"Charmaine?"

"Yeah. Listen, I'm in the house, but I'm not going to come up to you yet. I want to tell you something first."

It was a story about how she'd come to Earth to save it, or something. Her body was fake, but she had a real body and another fake one, and she was the one responsible for ECP, and it was all just noise to him. He'd thought he was in bad shape- she'd snapped.

She was going on about intergalactic criminals and giant federations when he interrupted her. "Charmaine… can you just come upstairs? I think I've heard enough."

The rest is a blur. _It's… something. It isn't human. It's horrifying- it isn't right. It's one of those things- the ones who made him spend time apart from his daughter. He'd… shared his bed with it. Told it his deepest fears. Treated it like it was his wife- like it was a person. It made him sick. It never loved him- he'd been a fool, loving a grotesque monster. It didn't come to the funeral. He wanted it out of his sight- out of his house._

_And when it leaves, it's too quiet again._

Elma isn't half as careful as she should be on her way to the Whale's lifehold core. She's sobbing- she'd never felt this hurt, even when Chenshi died. Some of the filth he'd screamed (In the same voice that she loved, that praised her and adored her) was unimaginable. That man she'd loved so much- she didn't know humans could contain so much hate. Were all humans so two-faced? Had she just picked a bad one? Or… had he gone out of his mind from grief? She'd missed Chenshi's funeral, that was one thing he said over and over. He'd watched her die, held her in his arms. She'd missed that too. But intermixed with all this was "Monster!" Maybe humans just considered her kind that hideous. She'd had that reaction herself, to a few species over the years. Humans looked close enough superficially that she could even find some- well, perhaps not attractive, but she hadn't thought Lao was ugly, especially as he got older. Pretending to be human was not unpleasant. But maybe that didn't go the other way.

It doesn't matter, in the end. She knows that she can never tell Lao the truth now- Charmaine would die here with Chenshi.

Elma is injured leaving Earth- not severely, but she spends the first few days back in space in the Mimiosome Maintenance Center. On the second day, she overhears some woman talking about "That guy that wanders the ship, yelling. All night long!" And she thinks nothing of it until the third night, when he comes close enough for her to hear.

"Charmaine! Chenshi! Where are you?" is what he's saying, over and over. He gets louder, and she hears Doug then;

"They're not in there, come on."

"Where are they?"

"Let's just go back to bed, okay, man?"

"No! I have to find them!"

She hears scuffling, a "No, I've got him, it's okay!" and then quiet, unsteady footsteps and Lao's soft muttering, too low for her to understand.

She'd only been feet away from him. If she'd called out, he would have heard her. But she knows that's the wrong thing to do. This body looks different from the one she'd originally come to Earth in- the one she'd married Lao in. Her voice he might recognize, but her face would be unfamiliar. She would stay in this mim until they found a new habitable planet, but she had no intention of staying in it for the rest of Lao's life. Someday, he'd get a human body again and she'd reclaim her Xeno one- and he'd be disgusted with her, reject her all over again. And he'd surely blame her for not saving Chenshi as well- she already blamed herself.

No- her path was clear. His human wife and daughter had perished on Earth. He wouldn't have her dragging him down anymore- he'd heal, and move on, and live a human life like he was always meant to. And as for herself- she'd always known he'd leave soon, as humans lived such short lives. She'd already prepared herself for losing him- this was fine.

He turns 30 in his mim. He looks the same as his last days on Earth, but he never ties his hair back, it always hangs limp and makes him look tired and old. His eyes are the same color as that day in the bar, but they don't shine anymore. He looks like a walking corpse.

He struggled early on, getting used to his mim. For most of the crew, they didn't feel too different from their normal bodies- but Lao had to get used to having a left leg for the first time in ten years. For months, he stumbled around drunkenly. Doug did what he could to help, but Lao was too proud to walk around holding his hand. Elma feels bad about it, but she's almost grateful. She always has time to prepare before she sees him.

He does recognize her voice. More times than she can count, he hears her speaking and runs as best he can her way- at first he's confused, the first time they speak he's describing her old mim to her, asking if she'd seen it.

She thinks it's painful, the way he looks at her like a stranger. But when he realizes it's Elma's voice he keeps hearing, not Charmaine's- that look of disappointment is a thousand times worse.

After a while he stops coming up to her, and he can walk normally before a year has passed. He's getting better- she sees him having dinner with Doug once in awhile, and talking to a young man named Shingo on a few occasions. She sees him wearing shorts one day, sees scratches on his left leg that go all the way through his mim's skin, and she's worried but knows it's not her place to say anything.

He's 31 when they crash on Mira. He looks the same as ever. Elma is so busy that she barely sees him, after Blade is established he joins Pathfinder and she joins the Reclaimers and she and Danny and Boris are too busy trying to find the Lifehold for her to think about much else.

Some tyrant kills Danny and Boris, but before she has a chance to mourn she finds Cross.

Cross and Lin are her whole life, after that day. She assumes Lao's the same way with his team. She assumes he's happy.

She talks to him outside Noctilum, and he's curt but friendly. He wants to come with them to see the Lifehold, and she's worried that he wants to leave his team out in the field, but he insists they'll be fine and they seem… resigned. Shingo is on his team as well, she notices.

Working with him feels natural. They'd both served in the military back on Earth, but years apart- this is the first time she's seen him in action. He still favors his right leg, but it's barely noticeable. He takes out a moving tyrant in their path with one bullet- hits it right in the eye. She's amazed- she never could have made that shot. The piece on the Lifehold is destroyed before they can save it, but on the way back Lao says he'd like to work with Cross again.

They work together a few times after that, though Cross goes on a few missions with him while she stays back at NLA. One time, after a grueling fight with a tyrant, Lao makes a comment to Cross that freezes her heart- his words could have been innocent, but his tone was far from it. She tells herself this was what she wanted, but she can't quite believe it.

He's 31 when he betrays humanity. He looks the same as ever- but that day in the hangar, his eyes look sick. "I lost everything," he says in a broken voice. She's seen him like this once before- that last day on Earth, his voice sounded just as broken, as pained. She hadn't saved him at all, by keeping secrets. His wounds hadn't healed like she'd thought- his skin had closed, but his flesh had festered. She orders Cross and Lin to prepare to chase him into Calduros, but she goes back to the barracks and vomits.

He's wild, when they catch up to him. He's laughing and yelling- he makes a remark about her not understanding humanity and she realizes he knows, and he hates her, just like she knew he would. She pulls a gun on him- he smiles at her, says "Just don't hit the terminal." This man isn't the person she fell in love with. That smiling boy who loved her blue eyes is so far removed from the miserable man she sees before her- how could they be the same person?

But in all his madness, he doesn't tell Lin a thing. It would have been easy for him to crush her- but after he's defeated he looks tired and lost, and he searches Lin's face like he's looking for another little girl. She sees a hint of the old him, for an instant- that child laying on her bed, telling her about the time his team had hit a roadside bomb. He didn't shed a tear, but his eyes were glistening as he looked at her- then and now. There's a hint of that same fragility, and she knows she can't pull the trigger.

He's 31 when he dies. He looks nothing like himself at the end, he's a chimera of species both Terran and Ganglion, with grey skin pulled so taut over bleeding muscle that it's torn open at the joints. She wonders if the disgust she feels looking at it is the same way humans feel about her.

"Don't let it end like this!" he begs, and she does her best to comply. The thing is wild and out of control, and it wrecks her skell part way through the fight. He has brief moments of lucidity, he pulls back on a hit that would have killed Lin and falls to his knees, screaming. Between his shouts and growls he says the same thing, over and over and over; "Charmaine! Chenshi! Where are you?"

He's himself in the last few seconds, and he reassures them they did the right thing. He's probably talking to Lin, maybe Doug, possibly even Cross, who'd taken that last deadly shot. But she needs to hear it too. And then he's gone, his body dissolves into light and that's the end.

She deactivates her mim, just as she'd planned to do all along, but as she wakes up on a rising platform her heart is beating so wildly she doesn't know how to breathe.

But they don't hate her. A few people back at NLA gave her sideways glances, but nobody calls her a grotesque monster.

But when she walks into the Core and sees it destroyed- realizes humanity has been lost- _realizes she'd killed him for good_ \- she feels like one.

He would be 32 when she goes to the beach. Cross' dog had run away again, and this time they'd- by Elma's suggestion- planted a tracker on him. He hadn't made his way out of Primordia yet, but he was well on his way to Sylvalum by the time Cross realized he was missing, and that led to a wild rush out of the barracks to catch him before he got eaten.

He'd gotten all the way to Northpointe Beach by the time they caught up with him. Cross and Lin hugged him and scolded him with tears in their eyes, while Elma kept a lookout for enemies.

She saw something, just by chance, behind a rock on the sand. A boot. She tells them she's going to check it out, in case it's a wounded Blade. It turns out to be a sleeping human man.

He's 32 when they meet again. He's sunburned and scarred, his wild black hair reaches his mid-back and his beard is bushier than he ever let it get on Earth, but it's him. It's really him.

She runs up to him, but stops before waking him up. He hated her real body. She doesn't think she can live through him rejecting her again. But she's discovered that life without him is barely worth living.

Silently, she kneels next to him and covers his eyes with her hand. Her skin is cold to a human, and he jerks awake, but she doesn't let him see. "Don't."

He stops, takes shuddering breath. "Charmaine?" he whispers, and it's barely even hopeful. In the seconds it takes her to answer, he's already changed to a defeated expression.

She has a moment of weakness- she knows it's a mistake, but there had always been something about him that made her make choices like this. "Yes."

He jerks at that, grabs her hand and tries to pull it away- "Stop!" she commands.

"Why won't you let me see you? Are you really her?" His voice is shaking, and so are his clenched hands.

"It's really me, Lao. But… I don't look the same way I used to. I don't want you to see me like this."

"I don't care what you look like," he says, and she can feel dampness under her hand. "Is Chenshi here too?"

"No. She died on Earth."

"Oh."

"I'm sorry- I know you'd rather have her here-"

"Stop." He says it gently, but it's a command. "I missed you both… s-so much… Just having you here is a miracle. We can mourn her together, now. Please… let me see you. I need to know you're real," he begs.

"I can't do that."

"Why?"

"Because if you see me like this, you won't love me anymore."

He makes a strangled sound, tries to say something and has to restart twice. He finally settles on; "That's stupid. I'd never stop loving you, I don't care what you look like!"

He sounds so earnest she almost believes him, even though she's already seen the truth. A part of her foolishly does- slowly, she takes her hand away from his face.

She can't meet his eyes- but she can hear him gasp. She waits, then-

His lips are rough and cracked, and his beard makes her face itch (She never did like that thing, her species doesn't grow facial hair) but the way he kisses her is the same as that night under the blooming tree, the night he became a man in her eyes.

When he pulls away he's panting, (She'd forgotten that humans couldn't hold their breath as long as she could,) and he's smiling that same boyish smile he wore that night in the bar- but she finds it extremely charming this time.

"You really had me worried there for a second."

"What?"

"You're beautiful," he says, and she's shocked.

"How can you say that? I thought… I'd disgust you."

"You're beautiful and ridiculous," he jokes. "You do look a lot different- It'll take some getting used to. But… blue is my favorite color."

For a few brief moments, they look into each other's eyes in loving silence, then;

"Elmaaaaa!" Lin shouts in the distance.

"Wait, did she just say-"

"Shhh, just kiss me again before they get here!"

Their lips meet, hot and human on cold and xeno, and for the first time in thirty years, Elma knows everything will be alright.


End file.
